There’s a saying “you are your own worst critic” and believe me, that applies to me right now.
Darren invited me to the Shut Up, We’re Talking podcast Episode #26 last night. Before we got started I told Darren to feel free to edit or erase anything I said that was super-retarded. He said that was normal practice, no worries and we all had a good laugh. I teased Karen a bit off the air that the Vanguard half of her guild were her red-headed step-children. She had her on-air revenge (haha!) by calling me out on practically every topic. The results of which, it wouldn’t surprise me if Darren has to edit out everything I said in between “hi, great to be here!” and “goodnight, thanks for having me!”
Stage fright is a funny thing. I’ve done a tiny bit of public speaking, though much like acting, that is truly stage fright at its finest (read: worst). I’ve played guitar in a pseudo-band in front of handfuls of people. Most recently was my transition from being nervous and tongue-tied making PA announcements for passengers at work. Now I’m very casual about it, and routinely have First Officers doing any number of wacky things to try to get me to laugh; sometimes Flight Attendants will sneak up and try to tickle me to make me laugh over the PA during my announcements. 90% or better, I’m stoic and can stand my ground. But back when it was a new experience, simply glancing at me the wrong way would cause me to lose all concentration.
And so it was last night. Darren sent us the show notes several days ago, I made a Google Document with all my notes, but the second it was my turn to speak, I was in full “deer in headlights” mode. I’m terrified I’m going to end up sounding like some psychopathic ranting lunatic. I can recall one time in particular I was talking (probably speaking too quickly, too… grrr…) and staring at my notes, trying to make sure I covered each bit of the topic I had written notes about, only to discover simultaneously that I was missing the majority of them, and I literally had an OOB where I’m just watching myself in third-person thinking “WTF dude? WTF are you even talking about?” I had to get up and turn the air conditioning down to Arctic Mode, I was in such a nervous sweat.
So, to all the SUWT listeners… I sucked and I apologize… If future podcast hosts take pity on me and invites me onto one of their shows, hopefully I’ll get better with time. Seems it’s a practice makes perfect kinda thing.
I will say I had a total blast being part of the whole thing and seeing (listening?) to how it’s all done. Darren, Karen, and John are great, and I’d love to actually get to know them better, and someday have a chance to game with them. Guild chat and tells in Vanguard doesn’t count, I mean actually grouping and adventuring!
One thing you’ll notice is Darren and I in particular kept saying we’d discuss our current experiences in Age of Conan “later” then never actually got around to it! 
Sorry… I’ll write more of a summary either tomorrow night or when I get back home Tuesday.
Yeah, I put AoC in the title of this article… see what I did there?
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